Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Comcast, Tomato Pie, and Sensitivity

Update:  Comcast Didn't Do It!
Well, I need to come back and say that it was not Comcast that did this.  They were supposed to come Friday and fix it and so George thought that they had but it was a neighbor that did it so that he could get it out of his yard so he could mow so he tied it around the telephone pole in our yard.  Regardless of who did it, it looks horrible and unsightly in our yard and in our neighborhood.  Comcast has been called twice now.  So Comcast is still in the dog house.  They didn't do the above, but it wouldn't be that way period if they had come when they were supposed to and fixed it.  So yeah, I still blame Comcast.  

So yesterday I made a Tomato Pie.  I think there will be many more of these in our lives!  However, George had suggested that I use the cookstone pie pan, but it didn't work too well in that.  It needs to be a glass or metal pie pan so that the crust can brown.  Still it was heavenly.  I also put more pimento and cheese in there than it called for b/c it had said to cover the entire pie with it and what the recipe called for would only cover less than a third.  So I think the recipe had a little flaw to it.  It also didn't have the temperature for what to cook it on, that I saw.  But I did 350 which is what the recipe had you cook the crust at for 10 minutes, before building up the pie.  Anyway, the tastes were incredible.  So we will try it again.  But I'm a little inclined to use the extra crust on a pizza that I make up on my own.  I have to dig around and see if we have other pie plates/pans.  I think we do.  I wonder if the black cast iron skillet would do ok for the pizza?  Anyway I'm inspired.  I have some bacon and plenty of parmesan left.  ;-)  In the mean time - there is 1/2 of this left over for dinner tonight.  

Tomato Pie, Recipe from the Mary Kay Andrews Cookbook
Well, because I am a very sensitive and perceptive person, I notice how people respond, react, or the lack thereof.  I have a tendency to think that it is totally directed at me, and it makes me question immediately, what it is that I have done or said to make that person react that way to me. I'm sure sometimes it may not be me at all.  But because of my heightened state of perception and sensitivity I always put myself through the ringer of going back and reviewing - was it something I said?  I end up spending way too much time on those types of thoughts.  And then that leads to other negative thinking, hypotheses, and before long you have convinced yourself it was this, that, or the other.  But what if the person was just having a bad day and it had nothing to do with you?  Perhaps it was their own emotions that they have a hard time controlling.

Recently,  I had one person to completely ignore and seem totally uninterested in something I animatedly was talking about.  Normally the person listens, laughs, etc.  The person never faced me when I was talking, and said nothing when I finished.   So....ok.   My first immediate thought was, "well see if I ever tell you my feelings again as I see how interested you are".  Because it made me feel bad, unimportant, uninteresting, and hurt at that particular moment, my first response to myself was "well, we'll not do this again" and "I'll talk to someone else that is more capable of having a conversation".  So I had to talk to myself and say "this is probably not about you" and "maybe this person doesn't even realize they are doing this right now" and "perhaps they are lost in their own thoughts" and "not everything is about you Sonya".  lol

Also recently, there was another person that was just cold to me - handed me something and coldly grunted and acted mad.  Matter of fact the person clearly was mad or upset.  You could tell.  I asked if everything was ok.  And they said yes, coldly.  I asked another question and they answered coldly.  I immediately began doing the same self-assessment.  What have I said or done to make this person mad.  I couldn't think of a single thing, so I began to wonder a spectrum of other things.  I realized then, THIS MUST STOP.   Quit wasting your time trying to read and understand other people.

I guess there is an innate function within us that wants/needs to be liked and accepted and fear and negative feelings results when we sense that something is going awry.  Most of my life I have had good reactions and good times and good feelings from those around me - well with a few exceptions that really was limited to one or two people who used methods of yelling or shouting or irritability to get their opinions across.  But as time passes, we get older, chunkier, not as pretty, and life worn, and then people tend not to react as well to you when you are not as ________________ as you used to be. Fill in the blank. It's quite noticeable.  But I have a tendency to think it's something I did.

Yesterday I decided that I really needed to do a little study on sensitivity and perception.  On how not to be so sensitive.  On how not to care how others feel about you.  Sure we say we don't care, but then we do.  So I'm on a campaign now to desensitize myself to others.  I want to be more compassionate though, so don't get me wrong.  I want to just not care what they think about me.

I read something recently by a psychologist that said that we really need to allow others to go ahead and think what they think of us.  That we need to have them OWN those feelings and when they do they themselves are responsible for those opinions.  That struck me.  Yes!  Yes!  So that person that accused me wrongly of _______________________.  Let them think that.  Let them own that.  Let them defend that.  Let them be wrong if they are.  That is their downfall, not yours.   I felt a type of freedom in realizing that.  I do have a problem with someone damaging my character unnecessarily, however.  I have a real problem with that.  I think that is another type of issue that takes some communication to clear up.  But this heightened sensitivity and perception, while really is a good thing and has helped me immensely in my life - in my career, and in protecting myself - has also made it much harder on myself as well.  I just decided I needed to read up on not letting these things bring you down.  And understanding if you did nothing wrong, you need not feel bad or think it is you.  After all, if others have an issue with you, it's their responsibility to let you know their feelings, if they so desire to be truthful and continue the relationship.  And when they do they need to be able to defend it and own their opinions and explain it.  Otherwise, why have it?  Otherwise, maybe they are wrong?  Right?  lol

Well, I could psychoanalyze all day long.  I love psychology.  But I'll leave you with this.  This made me feel better.  And yes I've been bullied a bit by others in my life for being sensitive - not bad - but teased.  Even by family.  It only makes you feel worse about being who you are.  Because when you are told that - it lets you know that they feel that is a character flaw in you.  But this made me feel better.  This is from Wikihow, in an article that explains how to recognize that sensitivity is innate to you.

  • Different societies respond to highly sensitive people differently. In many Western cultures, highly sensitive people are often commonly misunderstood as weak or lacking in internal fortitude, and quite often bullied. But this is not true throughout the world. In many places, highly sensitive people are considered gifted, as such sensitivity allows a great ability to perceive and therefore understand others. What is just a character trait can be regarded quite differently depending on the culture you are in, and things such as gender, family environment, and the type of school you go to.

And I'll leave you with that.  Because while I'd like to sit here and type all day - I do need to go to work.  Ya'll be good and have a good day.


4 comments:

  1. We do like to be appreciated and not ignored, but we cannot control others. That's for sure . We just never know what another is going through and hard as we try, we can not understand reasons for the way they act. All we can do is take charge of what we do and say and try to be the best person we can be. Do hope your Tuesday is a terrific one !

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  2. My DH is highly sensitive and perceptive too, which like you, he tends to think every response(or lack of) is about him. At times it can get quite exhausting!

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  3. So glad you sent me your link However, on Blogger mobile I can't leave a comment. That sucks, so I had to get on my laptop. Great entry as always. Love the decor of your blog also.

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  4. at least somebody addressed the cable issue since comcast is ignoring it. your tomatoe pie looks yummy.

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