Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Anniversary, Flowers, and Feelings



Anniversary Flowers

So, the day flew by yesterday.  

And then it was time to go to dinner for our ACTUAL anniversary day.  We went to Red Lobster and really had a good dinner and a good conversation.  He got the Admiral's feast and I got a dish that had salmon, shrimp, and lobster.  It's never as good as the seafood you get by the ocean.  Every thing was a bit dry in comparison to what I have had other places - but it was still a good dinner.  I did not like my lobster so much and gave George half of it.  It tasted like dirty water.  I love their fresh from the oven garlic biscuits though and the Caesar salad.  I was thinking that I should just forget the seafood and get a glass of wine, Caesar salad and biscuits and be done with it. ha.  We had good conversation.  
So we talked about the TV yesterday morning.  And I do need to say that the reason I ask for stuff is b/c he does the finances and budget and all of our $$ goes together in the same account.  I don't really believe it's right to go spend anything beyond $300 (or less if you know things are tight that month) without clearing it with your partner.  It's also his den too and he will be the one to have to help move it and set it up as I'm a bit challenged in all that.   That said, he really does have control.  I mean sure I could go put it on debit card tomorrow and come home with it, but unless it is a NEED, I don't think that would be right.  I was about to do that with the car b/c I went over the edge one day when I had to drive Granny's old van with no a/c on a 100 degree day.  I was through with old cars at that point, especially when driving through the highest crime areas in Nashville.  I didn't go to school for 19 years of my life to drive a dead beat car in a high crime area for the rest of my life.  So I did "put the foot down" and of course he will never let me forget it.  It'll come up every argument we have til the day we die.  But I had a need and it was being fulfilled.  So I took care of myself.  He finally got on board and agreed we needed the new car.  He had told me yesterday it was his turn to get the new car.  I told him he missed his turn.  He waited so long it became my turn. lol  I told him I'm not driving a Flintstones car b/c he would have us driving it with our feet when the bottom fell out.  We've talked about this so I feel like I can post it.  He says if we've talked about it I can post it.

Anyway, yeah, I do feel like it's proper to talk about it.  And I call it asking b/c he often does not agree.  But, he agreed to the sofa and the TV upgrades, but asked me to do one at a time.  I'm ok with that.  He did bring up a good point that we don't know what we will do if his job goes and he can't find work.  

Well, at least if we have a new sofa and a new TV we can stay at home and watch it and give up concerts and eating out and have at least a bunch of income back.  So I say go for it.  So we'll go pick out a sofa when we have time.  I hope he doesn't try to keep us busy so I don't have time to go buy one.  buahahahhaa. 

Once that is done and paid for we can get the TV.  I may start saving some blow money too.   Then probably the floors, and then the kitchen but it overwhelms him so when you start stacking things up.  Plus I like to travel.  So he mentioned we'd have to cut back on some of that.  We'll see.  ;-)

Well, anyway you are right.  I work too and I have brought up that point as well as a separate bank account if needed to divide things so that we each could feel we had an equal part of making the decisions.  It's a partnership and either one can pull out at any time if unhappy so it will be important for us to work together on our goals even if they are the opposite.  I shouldn't have to conform to his and his to mine all the time.  Common ground has to be found in all things and sometimes the ground is a battle ground.  

Every time it is for me unless it's something we both want.  

But at least we are through with this round.  I hate asking for something new.  So I will go a long time unhappy about it, try to forget it, and then I allow myself to get mad at him, before I've even asked b/c I know it will be a battle and mess with his budget plan for us.  And yes he has good arguments like might lose a job, or save for retirement, and it makes me feel like I'm selfish for asking.  
So I put it off until I am seething.  And I'm passive aggressive about it and will post something on facebook about to vent - like "I'm about to ask Mr. Moneybags over there to dig deep and let me have a new sofa, TV, and new flooring, and blah blah".  He says it's to make a point with him.  Maybe it is or maybe it's not.  I get to a point where I have to vent.  Then it makes him mad and then he is certainly not on board when I ask. 

He also says that I'm on my blog too much and don't say good morning.  He also says I'm on my phone too much when we are in the car.  I asked him if he wanted me to sit in the chair doing nothing and be ready to greet him in the mornings and he said "no".  I told him there was silence in the car already and so I reach for the phone to have something to do.  

I told him I would try to improve.  I'm often deep in writing when on my blog in the mornings.  When I'm deep into something, I don't notice things around me.  I'm goofy like that.  Sometimes I'm just not socially acceptable.  lol That is why I'm an introvert I guess.  I forget common courtesies often and it embarrasses me and I am always worried that I  am making someone mad b/c I've forgotten some common courtesy thing.  Even in my own home I goof up.  I don't mean to.  

At least with our discussions this time I tried to focus on letting him know how I feel.  So when he accuses me of this and that I explain my feelings that led up to that.  As long as I can be heard and can get in word edgewise I'm good.  He likes to talk a lot more than me and likes his air time in an argument.  I'm impatient to wait til he finishes (15 minutes or so, lol) so I often have to interrupt to make a point and I get called out for that too.  

Anyway, all that to say that I can't just go buy a TV w/o including him in the process.  I think it would be wrong since it's not a basic need.  I felt the car WAS a basic need.  I was prepared to move out on my on if I needed to.  I needed a way to get back and forth to work safely and felt I deserved it to be somewhat comfortable as well.  It was ridiculous.  But the TV -enhhh.  It's a WANT.  I am wanting to make our home time better.  Everyone I know has a smart TV but us.  We are home a lot at night and it would be used daily.  Its still a WANT.  But I had to ask and we have shared our feelings about the TV and everything else too b/c of course it always becomes more than just the TV but a series of finger pointing.  But we worked our way through this round.  Now we won't have to do it again til I'm ready to do the kitchen.  ;-)  I just need to remember to start the damn darn long discussion before I start seething about it.

Ya'll have a good day.  And maybe you want to think twice before getting married?  

All's well that ended well, I guess.  We did have our "discussion" which became quite heated and had me almost reduced to tears except I felt I was becoming a bit numb.  I always consider being single again when we have those bombers of a discussion.  But he asked for hug so we could go on about our day.  That way I wouldn't go to work and be looking up the high cost of an apartment. lol I can only take so much.  

But we went to Red Lobster and then Kroger and he asked me to pick out some flowers that he meant to do that after work but he had to work too late.  So I picked the pink roses.  I told him at Kroger "oh good so I quit humming 'You don't bring me flowers anymore', lol".  

Oh well, he may not bring 'em but he lets me pick 'em.  
Better than Valentine's day.  ;-)  Got None.  

But life is what you make it.  All is well and happy we go.  
Not the BEST anniversary time I've had, but it's certainly not the worst. 

Always room for improvement in the marriage too - not just the den.   We are all a work in progress. 

Ya'll have a good day!  





8 comments:

  1. I think we are all works in progress ! No marriage is perfect but you do a good job at making yours work. Conversations are necessary. Without communication no relationship works well. I am one that loved being married and let me tell you it was not perfect either, but the alternative as I've come to know it is NOT good at all. I do miss that hug in the morning! Hope you have a terrific Tuesday!

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  2. My husband and I have a joint account. We don't really "ask" but we do tell if we want to spend on something big. I think $300 qualifies. I agree marriage is a partnership. I think it is respectful to discuss spending.
    A new TV is not just for you. I would file it under "entertainment". It is something you will both enjoy for YEARS. It is not good for just 1 night/day.
    Most importantly it will make you happy and he will enjoy it also.
    Have a beautiful day.
    Monica

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  3. When your hubby mentioned his concern about his job future and savings a possible good point would be to ask and actually go into your accounts and add up what is spent on wine, wine making, concerts and going ou to eat each month for the past six months. Then state that you don't want to add to the budget but take half of what he was spending on those things for the next six months for what you want. He can cut "his things "by half. He can't complain or worry about the money then. No budget difference. I do hope you have joint checking, savings etc so you can go into these accts if you want to. To be honest having joint everything is so important in case of illness or worse.

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  4. What lovely flowers you chose....maybe if G had bought them you wouldn't have liked them..!.,....I'm glad you are getting a new settee, perhaps there will be sales on soon then you can get one with extra discount off it....that would be best idea you might even save enough money for a new TV.... I don't know about Georges home life when he was a child. Perhaps his parents often had rows about spending money and that has made him more cautious , you can never know what goes on in folks life's....even the ones we love. We have had a nice autumn day today cold morning then the warmish sunshine and now it's cold again....as the sun sinks behind the hills......I have been really very very tired today so think I will go yo bed early...hope you don't have to stay up late tonight...night night God Bless. Xxx

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  5. Happy Anniversary. I love Red Lobster. About the TV watch Best BUY. They had a one day sale on a 60" LG.brand TV. My husband went straight over there and bought one. We love it. In the winter we watch TV alot . And he loves to watch Sports. Marriage should be 50/50. You work hard and put your money in the joint account you should be able to purchase something new when needed. I think as hard as you work you deserve a nice comfortable sofa.
    I hope you get it soon.

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  6. Happy Anniversary! The flowers are so pretty. Glad you're getting a new couch.

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  7. you are right about all of us being a work in progress. both your dinners out sounded nice. and the flowers were pretty, indeed. my favorite bouquet ever was one my hubby picked up for me at the last minute at the gas station.

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  8. I was going to say what JRE said - if George is that concerned about his job and future financial stability, then I think you guys should be looking at what is spent on the monthly entertainment budget, too, as well as for your home improvements. Hopefully your new couch and chair can be an early Christmas present and you can start enjoying it.

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