Tuesday, February 13, 2018

The Quest to Figure Out Forgiveness.....

Here is a peek into my world.  A little disheveled but 4 cute faces looking at you wherever you go.  A few things out of place, constant cleaning, critter caretaking - but we are having fun.  For example the dogs water bowl is usually NOT kept there, but it seems the best place for it for now as we separate and keep Findlay in the kitchen.  I think she would do ok with the others and with Maisy but she likes to chew still.  So it's best not to tempt fate when we are not there with them.  But they are cuties and this was my scene as I left for work yesterday.  As I leave I say "Bye babies!"  

Also please forgive my out of place white trash can.  The stainless steel one broke and so I bought a cheap one instead.  One day we'll replace with a nicer one.  It helps hold up the gate that goes b/w Findlay and the other dogs so it stays "out of place" there.  lol  The tubs are to pack Katy's food in it for freshness - for Texas.  Right now there are two containers of food (boxed and canned items and spices mainly) on the dining room table that needs to be packed away in air tight containers unless she wants to use them up here.  It's her choice, but I do want it off the dining room table.  She doesn't know so I'm going to do it myself and put it in containers and move it off the table in containers so dogs can't get in it but we can get to the table. 

At lunch yesterday I worked on the Forgiveness module - a study I'm doing on Forgiveness.  I thought I was doing good in my forgiveness sector of my life, lol.  But someone suggested or hinted otherwise.  It confused me.  I thought I was doing what the Bible said.  

After all I have made sure in situations where I've been wronged or sinned against that I: 

  • Turn the Other Cheek 
  • Take the higher road so to speak
  • Don't take revenge
  • Keep silent (even to point of not defending myself)
  • Pray for all involved
  • Ask others to Pray for all involved
  • Seek God's Word in the Situation
  • Asked for others opinion of the Situation
  • Try to understand the motive in the situation 
  • Have maintained love in my heart although hated the actions/words
  • Have maintained that I treat them like I wanted to be treated

I have often gone over and above to: 

  • The selfless act of putting myself in vulnerable, uncomfortable, and unhappy situations to make others happy around me
  • Try to reconnect and repair 
  • Conducted research/reading to try and make sure I am doing my part 
  • Conducted research/reading to try and understand relationships 
  • Give up having to understand why
  • Accept the situation as what it is and go on

And so I read the You Version study yesterday and feel confirmed that I have done everything I could possibly do and more.  And if others don't feel that I have done a good job with my forgiveness then all I can say is Thank Goodness God is our Judge!  

JUST as he has forgiven me....

So what I am not willing to do in a forgiveness situation is: 

  • Continue being there just to be abused and have to take on same behavior
  • Sit back anymore and not say how I feel and hold it in.  A person needs to be heard. That is my right as a person. Communication is the key to repair. 
  • Not be present if it brings peace to all around.  
  • Change my personality to suit another
  • Change my location to suit another - although if asked might be considered
  • Quit my job to suit another - unless it's my spouse that has issues with it
  • Have others make decisions for me b/c they want to manipulate me to do what they want selfishly.  
  • Wipe the past under a rug as if it never happened.  We were made with memories. It's best to work through it to get past it, not ignore it so it happens again. 
  • Ignore the problem.  I'm not stupid.  I shouldn't have to act as if a problem does not exist. 
  • Be in a place with someone when the person doesn't want me there and has told me so. I'm not going to force myself on them.  

I grew up in the Church of Christ.  I remember when people sinned and didn't repent, they would cut them off from the church and be shunned so to speak.  It didn't happen often, but the concept is there.  I truly believe having read the passage, is that action of cutting them off... 1)  Is a final act that aids the sinner to think about the impact of their actions and sinful behavior in hopes of a turn around. 2)  It protects those that are in the body of Christ from having to be around such behavior (removes the bad apple from spreading).  I think even God rejects those that refuse to do right by Him. He forgives and hates the sin and loves the sinner.  He says that one day he will reject those that did not love Him and do His will and will spew them out saying "I never knew  you" but He gives us many chances.  

There have been times in my life in which I too, have been "cut off" or given adverse action by my own sin and behavior.  There are times when it is necessary to cut someone off from having access to you.  My point is that:  God does it, the Church does it, Parents do it.  

Why would I be any different?

While I am certainly NO God, I have only rejected people in my life that have done wrong by me when they showed no sign of wanting to repair the relationship, or if they have harassed me to the point of it being unhealthy and I simply do not subject myself to it any longer b/c it is the healthiest thing to do. 

You can't force yourself on another person.  You can't make them like you if you don't.  I can't claim to be a perfect person, but I have tried hard in my life to make sure my forgiveness department works. To try to Love the person and hate the sin/behavior.  It seems important to God, and I am struggling daily with the thought of forgiveness and what that means, especially if others feel I'm not being forgiving.  Yet they have also not been able to explain why I have failed.   It used to seem so easy to just forgive someone.  But what it doesn't mean is what I most struggle with.  I do know that forgiveness is what God thinks it is and NOT what someone else thinks it is unless they are on His wavelength.  

So after doing my study and thinking through some things.  I think I'm on the right path.  I'm doing what God wants me to and I've gone over and above to try to make sure what I do is correct.  I can't just be a doormat to people and say "here I am -mistreat me some more, please"!  And if others don't think I'm doing right on my forgiveness path,  then I'd like to hear what more you could possibly expect?  I'd say anything left to say or do is in another's court.   I can't be the only person in a relationship to carry the torch of love for both parties.  I can only control my own actions.  I have no more magic wands.  They were are all out at Walmart.


  1. all your pups are precious. it sounds like you are on the right path.

  2. your little dogs are very cute. I know what you mean about chewing. We had a dog who loved my shoes. He would chew on them like it was
    a bone. And cords, even chewed a cord to my iron when I left it out one day. Good idea to pack the food and spices in boxes. Forgiveness is hard for me. I just stay away from people who are toxic or doesn't treat me well. You have some very good points on the topic. One thing I have learned in life, if you don't stand up for yourself no one else will. And sometimes we just have to stand up for what is right even if we are alone and afraid. Life is unfair sometimes.


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