Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Throwing Hands Up in the Air Day
This one looks nice doesn't it? I think I'd pull that chair down by the ocean side. This patio and sidewalk must connect to a bigger house and that is the guest cottage we see. I will take the guest cottage any day! ;-)
I'm pretty sure that is Maine right there with the Portland Headlight lighthouse off in the distance. Beautiful area. I would love to go back.
I hate to say it but I am still having some residue of "unhappy" right now. And I really don't have time time to diagnose it. But I think it is contributing to two things. Maybe three. I think when things just stack up against you enough that goes against your grain - you just say "enough". I can only have so many things going wrong in a time frame and then I shut down.
I know I like to be positive. I really do. But it seems like everything I try to do I get slapped in the face, shut down, or or something is wrong with it. Things I get so excited about either don't happen, don't come to fruition, or someone is negative about it in some fashion. At least some things are solved, but others are not.
So I'm having an "I'm throwing my hands up in the air day". One can't help but the way they feel. Some things I am grateful for, but today I just want to go back to bed and put my head under the covers. I don't want to face the day. I don't want to do what is on my schedule. I am behind already. I just want to catch up at work, catch up at home, sleep, drink coffee, read, forget life, and be done.
So cleanse day is done. I've had minimal amounts to eat and drink and did not sleep as well as planned last night. It was like I had caffeine but I had not. My brain didn't want to quit. I read several chapters in the Mississippi book which was relaxing. I needed some down time. Down from work, down from the business, down from family, down from friends. Even Maisy the dog, who won't leave my side, preferred to be with George instead of me. Go figure. At least when I did sleep I rested in God's arms and gave him the burdens of the day.
The cleanse day is easy. I'm not even hungry right now. But I am sleepy. And I'm not ready for the day. And then I saw my schedule today and I do not have time to do what is on it. But I guess I'm off to do it. It's on the schedule. In my head I had other plans for today's outlook but the outlook has it's own.
So in light of that, I go to get another cup of coffee and throw my hands up in the air. I'll robot through the day while things just keep stacking up.
Sorry for Debbie Downer today. I'm just being honest here. I did get some things ordered from Amazon last night. The website kept crashing. But I got my order in. I had to quit shopping though.
Also I am so bummed. I told Mom what her birthday gift was b/c she had tried the sample shake and didn't like that it had Stevia in it, a natural sweetener. I said it was unfortunate that she didn't like it -being that I had just bought her the shake blender set ($45) with two glasses and tops and the shake canister $40) all wrapped up for her birthday. Might as well tell her since I can't give it to her now. So now I will just keep it and get something else or just give her money. I had bought the several boxes of snacks as well and I don't know what's in it and don't want to have to look it up, but I'll just keep those too, and give her money and she can get what she wants I guess. Yet another bad decision on my part, another strike out of my excitement. I just wanted her to feel as good as I do healthwise. I don't feel too good moodwise right now. Can you tell? Not really like I can afford two gifts right now for Mom so I am bummed. So I won't be able to match the value of the first gift, but oh well. I think it was over $140 worth all together. Oh well, life's a ditch sometimes.
This is me. Life goes on. I just want something to freaking go right. It will. I just want to go get under the covers right now though. I'm just tired. And it's only Tuesday. I'm struggling here. I think I'm just around so much negativity in places that it is really impacting me. Dear Lord let the positive sink in please! I need good things to happen. I need to know that I matter. Can I do anything right and see results? Please? I need to know it, Lord. Or am I just hitting my dang head against a wall for no reason? Can I not accomplish anything and it be worthwhile?