Sunday, January 27, 2019

RV Show, Dreams, and Discouragement


What fun I had going to the RV show.  I really wanted to see what all types there were and what kind I thought we would want or need.  This one was cute so I took a pic.  It is not what ANYONE needs, lol.  Most people could not even fit inside the shower.  lol 

I took a pic of this one.  It was ok.  It was still pretty small considering what I think we would want. 


George made himself at home  - you can turn the seats around so you have more seating inside facing "the lounge area".


I wondered if our little Chevy could haul this.  But it's awfully small.  And George said we probably couldn't haul it anyway.  I was trying to figure out how to get this thing going "sooner" rather than "later".


All in all something like this is what I keep going back to.  Easier to drive.  However, we might would have to haul a small car behind.  So no options seems easy.  lol


But these had more floor room and more space for the money.








Ran into my cousin who is already into RV'ing.  They bought one last year and are already going to sell and upgrade.


I kept trying to like the vans, but they just don't do it for me.  Too tiny for us.  And we can have more space for half the money.


Outside the convention center. 


Then onto Chicken Scratch Brewing.  WE got through early and so killing time.




George got in trouble for feeding the dog.  He gave the dog popcorn and the owner ripped him a new one in front of everyone.  He was mainly just loud and patronizing.  I was so embarrassed.  George just said to me, I guess he told me not to and I didn't hear him.  I said "I'm sorry".  Anyway about 5 minutes later the owner came back - or manager - I'm not sure, and came over with free beer cards and apologized.  I guess it made it alright.  We are forgiving sorts.  George really didn't hear him say not to feed the dog.  I wondered about it.  I would never feed a child or dog w/o asking the owner first but George is everyone's friend and often doesn't think to ask.  


I just kept thinking "geez how stressful just to get a beer to relax", lol.  But it's all good.  I can't say that it didn't put me a notch lower on my "wanna go back" meter.  I've had more fun previous times we've been.

We ran by Farmer's Market also and George finally got his Pumpkin Ale by Czan's. I ran outside for an urban sunset pic.



Then onto Sedona for dinner with George's sister and her Hubby!  


One big pic I found of the RV Show.  As you can see there were all types.


At home, greeted by the deer. 


So while we were out and talking, George stressed to me again that he really has no desire to do this RV thing.  He says it's a lot of money for just a few times a year.  I said "who said anything about just a few times a year."  I told him my purchase date was going to be in 2021.  And that at some point I would be traveling in it FT to go out west - and could see being gone 6 months to a year in travels to see the US.  He said he just didn't have a desire to do that and didn't know if he could.  I told him I was prepared to go do this alone if he didn't want to join me.  He keeps telling me it's my dream not his.  I don't have to make him join me in my dreams.  I told him "You won't even dream with me ANY dream about retirement".  You won't ever dream about the future.  I can't NOT have dreams and plans.  I've done that for years having my own dreams and plans that may or may not come true.  I'd never know.  But we've NEVER dreamed and planned together.  He has always thought that meant you were not happy in your current situation and that dreams cost $$ and that was just frivolous.  

So this is bringing me to a big hump right now.  Do I just give up my dreams b/c no one is on board?  Do I give up my dreams b/c George doesn't have any dreams at all but to just be financially free?  He just wants to read and not do anything I guess but read, have a brewski and play at home and cook and listen to music or whatever spontaneous plans he may have.  I told him I knew he loved to travel and to see new places and we'd have fun.  He says he doesn't understand why I suddenly have this dream - that I just watched a few shows and it appeals to me but that I don't see the downsides to it.  He thinks I'll not like it.  He was also shocked I think that I would be willing to go do this alone.  Lord no, I don't want to, but if I have to I will to get to do what I want to do.  So do I just give up on my dream b/c I'm married and he doesn't want to?  

I mean I don't want to rock the boat of our marriage over this, but I also don't want to just give up my dream and allow him to be selfish and us only do his dreams- which is what?  Nothing that I'm hearing except be out of debt.  Well we can have an RV and get out of debt, if I earn it all.  

He is asking for my Isagenix earnings to go back onto my Phoenix trip and expenses, and that is fair so tomorrow I will transfer over my $$ to him to cover a portion of my hotel bill and meals.  I am feeling that he is not happy with me right now for taking the trip.  My flight was free.  But I did have to pay for hotel and meals, and coming off of Christmas I think it was just really bad timing.  

So at blow money time I've been given $20 for the month and told if needed more to ask for it that money is tight this month now. 

When I get my mind on something, I usually don't back down on it.  It would be so easy just to say "screw it, I give up on my dream - then I can dive into books and games and you tubes forever and be content to just sit on my sofa for life".  Or I can continue on with my dream, strive for it, save for it, and continue on with my planning.  I'm likely not to let this go.  It'd be easier to just let it go and give in.  I'm not that person.  I can see that somehow we can make some compromises though and that is what I would shoot for.  

So until then just having to turn it over to God.  But I am going through a review and questioning myself at this point?  Is it worth all the work I'm going to have to do to get there?  Am I up for it.  And when I get there am I going to be unhappy b/c no one else shares this dream with me?  
How sad it is to not have ANY future to plan for?  So I'm going with it.  I'm tired of not having any plans beyond the next month.  So I'm sticking with it.   Maybe God or my health or something will change my mind.  I don't see anyone planning anything with me in the future so I have to plan one on my own for myself.  George has never liked looking ahead and dreaming and planning.  So if one of is going to it'll be me.  

Sometimes you just don't feel important to other people and you have to look out for yourself.  I'm sorry but I don't feel special - I really don't.  I feel like I'm just in the way of everyone else and just a time suck and an annoyance to everyone.  You cannot please anyone ever. Maybe that is my fault.  But I've always had to look out for myself b/c so many things in life were disappointments so far.  You cannot ever make anyone else happy.  Except Maisy.  Maisy sees my tears right now and comes to my side to lick my face.  Thank the Lord for our fur babies.  Either that or she is just hungry, lol.

I guess I'm just having a bad day.  Maybe things will be clearer tomorrow.  But today I feel exceptionally alone in life and in my dreams.  And then it's Valentines month coming and that doesn't always bring good vibes to me either.  I feel like it's an obligation on everyone else part. Who knows.  

Anyway I'm getting off of here b/c it's a negative post.  We have those days.  We have those days when you have to face reality and realize that life is lonely even with a lot going on.  Tomorrow will be better!    God will make it better.  He will lead me.  He'll tell me what to do.  I can't stop being me.  He knows the desires of our hearts.  He makes our heart glad.


7 comments:

  1. Maybe it would be a good idea to rent and RV for the two of you to travel in on a couple of short trips. He might find he really likes it, or you may find it is not exactly what you thought it would be. Or he may really hate it and you may really love it. Either way you both will be able to make an informed opinion.

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    1. Great idea! George suggested that too. I think if we plan that it will make me feel better. Even if we go close to home - just to see what it's like. I will make it a goal to plan that.

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  2. I could be George is having a bad time right now also. I know that it has been a long year with me as far as Ken is concerned. I have to remember his attitude has a lot to do with the almost 2 years of his Mom being ill and then her passing. He gets irritable at times and he has never done that in all the years we have been together. Little things that never bothered him do at times. Not all the time so I know it is from his loss. George is also going though that with his Mom. I have to remember not to let it bother me or take it personally because I know it is not directed at me, but still sometimes it hurts. Be patient it will turn around,

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  3. I hope you get your RV. I would love hearing about your travels. Maybe with time your husband will change his mine. I told my daughter I would like to rent one for a month and go out west to see the Grand canyon and a few National parks. Sleep on it and maybe tomorrow will be better.

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  4. I agree with Anne. I would rent one & do a trip or 2.
    The RV life is not for everyone. I think you & George need to talk this out & hopefully reach an understanding.
    Don't beat yourself up.
    In the meantime, hold onto Maisy.:)

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  5. It's always good to have something to look forward to. It might just be that George could be having a tough time dreaming because his job is still a temporary thing. That is no small thing. Keep your dreams and try to work through it together. Slow but steady wins the way they say!
    Love and hugs,
    'ma'

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  6. i agree that renting one is the way to go to see if you like it as much as you think you would.

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