Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Traveling, Time Crunches, and Dreams


Just reflecting back to Maine back a few years ago.  Seems like yesterday but I believe was 2015 - maybe even 2014. What a dream of a long weekend.  The Lobster was awesome, the water and landscape was beautiful.  And the day we went out on the boat and toured all the islands was probably one of the best days of my life.  As far as fun and feeling the best, most relaxed, and most fulfilled - in life - I'd say that was.  Just being out and enjoying God's beauty.  And getting photo opps.   I think it's just what I'm meant to do in life - travel and see new places.  I should have been a travel blogger.  I have been when I could. 

I tried to eat lightly yesterday but ended up overeating.  I had a shake for breakfast.  Was going to have a shake for lunch but my assistant was going to Cracker Barrel to pick up lunch so I ordered a grilled chicken salad.  It didn't have near as much chicken on it as it usually does - so less protein.  And that was 11:30 - so by the time I got home at 6 and knowing dinner was going to be 8 or later (fish and taters) I decided to make popcorn.  And when I make popcorn, I either watch my shows or read.  It's pointless to make popcorn and be on the computer b/c I don't want the coconut oil all over my keyboard and touchscreen.  So out with the Power Hour.  

It was zoom call night also. From 7 to 8.  And we watched two shows of Nurse Jackie and ate dinner after that.  So this morning I feel bad about the pop corn and blowing off Power Hour.  Normally it would have been a cleanse day and I'd be feeling so good right now.  

I have my PreOp this morning at 9 - I think all is done but paying and getting any last minute instructions.  This is not a cheap thing to have done but the doctors said it was necessary.  I mainly just don't want it sticking out in my part.  But it's going to be about a $1000 for my cost.  I'm not sure if that includes anesthesia or not.  That may just be the hospital/doc cost.  We get it for like $844 if we pay all upfront.  So we are doing that.  You can use your card.  

So I'll just be glad when it is OVER. 

My work at work is piled high.  I guess it's the norm now to have a 8 to 12 inch high stack of work all prioritized in the waiting.  Mostly you go in and deal with all the fires and emergencies and requests until about 4 and then you have an hour to work on things.  So at that rate nothing much gets done.  But I did stay til 5:30 infringing on my time at home and knocking my life off balance, to get a few things done there.   So my 3 hours of awake time at home became 2.5 hours.  Yee ha. I love it when I'm loyal.  lol  Yes I'm being sarcastic.  Life makes you that way I think. 

Then you don't want to go to bed at 9 b/c you haven't had a finish to your evening yet - there are still things you want and need to do and then you go to bed late and then you can't get up in the morning.   So the cycle begins.  I should just leave on time but I usually leave at a stopping place or my determination kicks in for my desire to finish at least one damn thing.  

Grrr.  I struggle with the time factor.  I guess it is a sign you have it all.  I remember being told once I couldn't work outside the home and have a family.  Did that.  I guess don't tell me I can't do anything b/c I will try to do it.  Now I'm squeezing in a side gig and building that over time.  People are thinking "she can't do that".  I'm over here like "watch me".  

So time is a little more crunchier than it used to be.  But I wouldn't have it any other way except for working for a faster retirement and some more travel time. 

And now we are full circle and I'm thinking about Maine.  Only now I want to see the opposite coast.  I've seen the opposite coast but not the North West coast.  Maybe I'll be able to see it in a few weeks if I get to go to Portland OR and stay over on the weekend for a day of sight seeing.  Who knows. 

I just listened to an audio book on RV'ing Full Time.  I doubt I will get to do this but the lifestyle of this thrills my soul.  Once I realized this was even "a thing".  I guess I had never realized such a thing was possible to be on the road for a year or so.  And then my bubble busted when George said this was not something he would be interested in.  I don't think he wants to be locked up in a small space with me.  I think he might have said that or insinuated that.  Kinda sad.  I'm not really that bad of a person am I?  So I was willing to do this alone, I wanted it so bad - with intermittent family or friends popping in and out? A very scary thing but the desire to do it is so strong I'd be willing to give it a go.  Upon mentioning it, George was horrified or traumatized by it or shocked.  I'm not sure what the word is.  He said I'd be leaving him if I did that.  Like really leaving him.  No I said - that's not what I meant.  He said Yes, if you do that you are leaving me.  So I guess if I want to stay married I have to give up that dream.  That makes me sad. 

And I guess that is why I've been sad lately and not able to write as much.  We don't have a dream for retirement.  We don't have a dream together.  I don't think he likes to dream.  So I created one for myself.  But I guess I'm not supposed to have a dream? 

Anyway, I'm still going for the RV.  Who knows what will happen in life.  We don't have to see our future.  I'm still going to go for the RV.  I may only get to use it on the weekends or for vacations.  And then maybe a longer trip after we retire.  Yes we will rent some first.  But George doesn't even get vacations yet.  So the job thing needs to come to fruition.  Of course he didn't like to take much vacation even when he had it.  He sold it for $. 

Anyway, his dream is to not have any debt.  I could help him with that, if he would help me in the MLM, we'd get there faster!  lol 

I don't know what the answer is.  I'm not really giving up my dream.  I'm just hoping for it.  Maybe I will do a blog entry one day on what it is that appeals to me.  

But for now I need to go get a shower so I can do this pre op thing done.  I suppose I won't have time to blog tomorrow as I have to be at the hospital at 6:00 a.m. 

IF something happens and I die during surgery - just know that I love you guys.  I think I probably won't but what if the anesthesia guy messes up or my body rejects something or they do something wrong?  Anyway you all have been here for me and I thank you.  

I would miss my pets and my daughter and George.  But I guess I wouldn't know it.  I only mention the pets first b/c they are constantly by my side and in my face.  lol 

Hopefully Friday I'll be back on here and talking about how it went and until then - have a good one!

7 comments:

  1. I forget I have to post as anonymous these days so this is my 2nd try at a comment. Don't worry, prayers have been said and you are in the best hands ever!

    Love,

    'ma

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh dear i was saddened to hear you mention dying. i'm sure you know how much we all love you too. and i know that you're going to come through the surgery with flying colors. hang in there. you'll get through this just fine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your surgery will be fine. You should watch that Dr. Pimple popper. You would not believe the size of the cyst and growths she gets out in her office. It is amazing what can grow in the human body. I think your husband will come around on the RV idea. I would love to do it just 6 months of the year and be home the other 6 months. Take care and try not to worry about tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praying for you that your surgery will go well. I had surgery on my hand a week ago I did okay and I'm years older than you.☺ Looking forward to hear how it went.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I’m sure you will be fine. My husband and I recently had colonoscopies. A week apart...my first, hubby’s second. They put you to sleep here. I wasn’t really worried about me but hubby has heart issue. Everything went fine, had to lay on left side, noticed later just under right jaw near ear felt bruised. No bruise just felt like it. Didn’t think much of it, then the next week after hubby had his, same thing same spot. Did we start waking up and they have to punch us back out? Haha. I asked at follow up if there was something during the procedure that would have caused it, nothing they could think of. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ makes you go hmmm. But all’s well that ends well. Haha. Take care and try not to worry, Sheila

    ReplyDelete
  6. I will be waiting for your post tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey get over the negative thoughts. One of my long time clients purchased an RV last year. They so wish they had rented first. $97,000 later they realize they should have rented first to see how it would work out. Today she told me they found a buyer, but it costing them $15,000 to sell. They did not realize the cost in insurance, parking when traveling and the cost of storing when not using as they live around from us and cannot keep in neighborhood. She is leaving for Greece this weekend with 3 other friends for ll days and said her husband agreed it would be more economical to travel as they want without the extra expense of the motor coach. Rent to see if you really want to do this. So many people love it. Ken's dad wanted to give us the one they had and we turned it down because of the cost to us when we would not be using

    ReplyDelete

Comments mean a lot to me. Spam will be deleted.