Sunday, March 24, 2019
Tugie's Last Day
In recent days she followed me around again and wanted to be in whatever room I was and would make a bed out of whatever was in the room. Our laundry, clothes left on the floor, and even this week she laid on the empty pizza boxes in the kitchen that was staged to go outside in the trash. We laughed at that. It didn't work out too well, lol.
I was not going to bring it up that time was getting close. I had brought it up when she started peeing, scratching, and had the stench - is she dying inside? But docs said she had a while and they could fix part of it. Her body was just decaying though. It wasn't meant to last the 18 years. Her ears were like an elephant's and her legs had lost the hair and her skin was drying and peeling. It was hard to bathe her b/c she would have spells if you did. She did well with the groomer until the groomer gently said "no more, let her go". Groomer ignored, we kept paying for meds. They could have given her more meds to mask the symptoms but the doctor said it was not going to get better and was prolonging the enevitable but the decision was ours. Knowing how she is struggling now and seeing the battle - the last few days were pretty miserable for her. George mentioned on Friday "She's suffering now." I said "yes" and said "are you thinking we should take her to the vet now on Saturday?" He said "Yes, I think so." I said "do you think this is it -?" He said "yes, probably so?" And then the tears began to fall.
Saturday morning we got up - I really was thinking that we wouldn't go for some reason. I tried to keep myself from thinking about it at all. I didn't mention it at all. But George said he had to go run errands and he did and then came back and said "I guess we should take her in". And I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't want her to be going through what she was going through any more. She has been uncomfortable (itching/scratching) for some time but seemed to be happy to be with us but as the doc describes her heart is getting larger and larger and makes her cough. So I agreed that we would take her.
As much as she has been my dog, George had the hardest time with it. He broke as he told the lady what we were there for. I'm not sure what he said but was something like - "Probably her last visit." Anyway we found two chairs around the corner and both cried our eyes out as we took turns holding her.
We probably had to wait 45 min to an hour. Tugie was miserable waiting, coughing, itching, wanting to be in her soft warm bed. There were at least two other folks there having to do the same that day. It was a beautiful Saturday with Sunshine and warmth but broken hearts all around.
Then the time came. It was very peaceful and we said our good byes. We both got nose licks and was able to have our hands on her petting her as the comfort shot came and then again as the 2nd lethal one came. I wanted to scream "nooooo stop", but I knew it was too late and knew that it was the right thing to do.
It's so hard. George walked out with the box. He went back in to pay and they said "no not today". So that is nice they let you settle later. George donated the left over meds we had and he said they would give us credit for it.
Typing through all this, the tears are just pouring. My eyes are so swollen and puffy with black circles. I look like I've been in a fight of some sort. We have to go to church this morning and somehow I have to get make up on my face. We are taking sausage and biscuits for the table.
Otherwise I'd probably just do a devo at home. But need to go get ready and try to fix myself up.
So where do dogs go when the die? They don't have a soul I've heard - I guess a soul is your "right or wrong concieousness of a spirit" best way I can describe it. But the dog had to have a spirit if it was alive, right? But a bug is alive too, does it have a spirit? So I'm all confused about all that. However, b/c it's man's best friend - I keep thinking that somehow she does have a spirit that has been carried on somewhere. How could something that has such love, and God's own name spelled backwards not?
I asked God and the answer that popped into my head was that her spirit was reborn into another life and was going to a little girl in an Italian Villa? Really? Did I dream that up on my own or did God really answer that. Who knows? I don't want my Tugie that far away. Or maybe she is in her own little state of being like the Rainbow Bridge playing with our other pets who have gone before her.
Meanwhile it hurts to look at the little grave out back with yellow flowers sticking above it. Her body is there, but where is she? I pretended she was in spirit on our bed with us, last night b/c I had to. I also told her I'm sorry and she kept saying back "it's ok Momma - I'm ok now".
Anyway I'm going to quit typing, get more coffee and try to put on makeup. The weekend is pretty shot for me now as far as productivity. But who cares. This was too important and it's a death in the family. I'll pick up from here AS I WANT TO. I did get the Target order done as it was much needed.
I need to begin looking at San Antonio so we can try to get some deals and plans on the schedule.
Need to get laundry done. We did get to the store yesterday. We decided on steaks. It seemed to console. And we watched Rich Crazy Asians.
Better go. Ya'll have a good Sunday!