Woop Woop! Gotta love a big Saturday morning sleep in. Well, I have to call a 6:30 a sleep in - it's at least a 2 hour sleep in for me. I could have slept longer. But when George got up - the dogs were licking my face and barking to get up and Roger's tail was slapping my face. :-O
So up we got. Love the fact that George had fixed some coffee and I didn't have to this morning.
Ahhh yesterday was just sleepy and draggy and that is not the norm usually but the system I'm own can't cure you far past the sleep deprivation situation I must be having. My body, as mentioned in previous entries is requiring more like 8 hours now instead of the 6.5 I usually get.
I feel wonderful this morning having had 9 hours. So two days this week I've felt "off my game". Yesterday I felt like I just didn't care about anything and just wanted to sleep and two days before that I was all weepy. I am questioning it b/c I like the self in me that is driven with a mindset and with excitement and joy to explore and discover new thoughts, ideas, and concepts. But this week I've had moments of "whatever" and just "going with the flow". I really just wanted to be in bed sleeping, playing some thoughtless game, and retreating.
So is it depression? Or as it occurred to me yesterday - perhaps I'm just on "information overload". And since that thought has entered my brain, it kinda makes sense. I am just overloaded with information, planning, to do's, thoughts, books, shows, spouse, friends, day job, night job, various groups, neighbors, organizing, household needs, dog needs, extended family not getting along, doing blog entries, planning posts (or not having time to), learning, feeding myself spiritually, praying. I kinda think that is it. I think my brain is fatigued. My body is willing more so but my mind just wants to sleep and rest. YES. I love blogging because you can get to the root of so many things.
Depression wouldn't make sense b/c I'm really excited about life and have a desire to do the things I love.
I got a text from George saying our friends were meeting up after work in MJ Town and would we want to join - Heck yeah! So we had a great time and saw one of George's cousins there as well. Enjoyed the evening and got home at 8:30 and hit the bed shortly after, me knowing and mindful that I needed sleep and had wanted the bed all day.
Sleep aside, it has made me sad to realize how easily people get mad at you when you have done nothing wrong but people convince themselves that it's all about them. I've had someone this week accuse me of not talking to them enough. And I've had someone to accuse me of talking about them when I haven't hardly been around them in two years, really don't see them or keep up with them anymore. Can you believe this? I am determined that the very fact that you exist in this world is to become a target from everyone around you to try to bring you down.
I get busy and in my own thoughts and focus and forget that people are around me. I can say I'm sorry all day long but if I am in the middle of something that I am focusing on - which is hard for me to get focus as I'm pulled in so many different directions - so if I finally find focus - then get over it, b/c I'm not going to notice anything else.
On the flip side - I suppose there have been others that have found out things, talked or leaked info about this person that accuses me of it - but leave me the hell out of it.
I think that there are some folks that just cannot for life of themselves do without having conflict or anger in their life. It's like they thrive on it. If there is not an argument then they are gonna go stir stuff up and make sure there is one. Where there is peace, they will try to go find a way to mess it up and bring confusion, dissension and malice. And who wants or needs that mess. So this is where boundaries come in. And I've set mine. I do not want any part of it. And if I have to go to serious measures to enforce the boundaries I will. Because that mess is staying out of my world. Rest assured. No one needs that mess.
No one is perfect. Neither am I. When people realized they have messed up they will do anything and everyone to blame everyone else to soothe their own psyche.
I wondered if all this mess had brought me down, but I think it's just the icing on the cake. I was already overloaded at that point. I think perhaps the fact I was already overloaded helped me not to take it so seriously. Of course it's all stuff on a road we've been down before. At some point the road looks the same and you just go "oh yeah, that pot hole is back - somebody go cover it up" - lol.
One can only simply roll eyes and go back to what they are doing. Otherwise it'll eat your spirit up.
One is only responsible for their own actions, their own words, and whether they love or mistreat another person. It's not for me to judge. It's for God to judge. And for those reading this that doesn't get this - go read or watch "The Shack".
And that said, I'm happily sitting here drinking my Cup of Joe. I am happily taking some blog time for myself and I will start on my to do list when I want to until about 11 or 12 when we have some plans. I'm in charge here of my life and I'm looking at the sunshine through the curtains with dogs by my side on one side and coffee on the other. I'm happy as I can be. I don't care if I get an RV right now. I don't care if I add another customer on my left leg of my business right now. I'm just gonna sit here and sip and think and blog and do what I want this morning until I have to get ready. The nastiness in the world can go to hell in a handbasket right now. I'm going to enjoy my very few hours in retreat. I don't have to be an expert enroller, change lives, push myself to be more outgoing, ponder about how to be content, or how to grow my business, or think about what all is wrong with the day job. I don't have to worry about how to increase my cycles, how to lose the next lb, how to exercise more, how to lower my cholesterol, how to lower my heart rate, how to get the house cleaned, and when to listen to the training seminar, and when to read that book or watch my shows, or do the shopping.
I'll worry about all that tomorrow!