Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Working for the Lord

Yesterday, I changed my "theme" on my PC to a lighthouse theme.  Just mainly to remind me that God is our strong tower, our refuge, and He is more mighty than anyone or anything that is bothering us.  Sometimes it seems difficulties and even people in your path, try to make things more difficult than it has to be.  Lately it seems like I have a target on my head or something - whether it's fate, coincidence, or factual - I've had to seek refuge in God's strong tower to keep me "safe" and "to shed light" on the situation.  God says he won't put more on us than we can bare but life often tries to overwhelm us.  I have asked God for a protective shell over my life and to defend and bend the arrows and send them flying in another direction.  

I did a devotion yesterday on joy.  And copied a few screen shots.  It was a great devo on work.  Loved it.

That's good to know.  I need more joy, lol. 

Yes, God has been my boss for a very long time.  He sets our paths when no one else does.  He answers our problems and dilemmas like no one else can.  He guards the Heart like no other has access to.  He SEEs the whole picture like no one else can.  He steers and makes correct, coaches, disciplines, defines, gives clarity and prospers us forward like no one else will.

Cleanse day was yesterday and you see my lighthouse in the background, lol.  I drank some green tea and added ionix stress formula and it was perfect. 

Unlike Monday, I needed to take a few minutes yesterday for lunch.   I had a headache brewing in a big way - my head has been hurting off and on from the right "horn" (lol) that was removed.  It was a cyst on my noggin.  It was a small one on that side but the cut seemed to be the deepest.  I know the doc kept asking "So you haven't had any problems?"  He asked like 3 times.  I told him "no - no problems and no pain".  Since then it has been a little numb in places I've noticed - but it seems like that has gone away.  But the pain has been there starting up - just like a nagging pain - like a 3 or so on the pain chart.  It's enough to periodically get your attention and make you go "why is my head hurting".  I've not yet taken anything for it, but may result in Tylenol.  It hurts worse when I'm typing.  I'm not sure why.  I guess I hold my head a certain way to concentrate.  Or maybe I'm just busy otherwise and don't notice it til I'm sitting and still.  I did put more antibiotic cream on it as that seems to provide coolness and soothe it - even if there is no more open wound.  However, I did notice that it has a HUGE indention into my scalp.  So perhaps this cyst had been growing inward instead of out. I had been having some pain in my right temple before the surgery.  I haven't had that since it's been removed.  So the pain has moved and it's a different kind of pain.  I looked it up and it said that sometimes the surgery can sever a nerve and it will take time to heal and go away.  I have no idea if nerves can heal.  Or if that is true.  But I did want to go home and lay down yesterday.  I didn't b/c there was just too much to do so I pushed through it.   

I found a shadier spot to sit at lunch to drink my water and tea and red berry cleanse drink.  I think I spent the time to delete our Nashville area's channel news 2 app and downloaded news 5 app.  I had signed up for important breaking news alerts and kept getting alerts about cherry trees being moved downtown, minute by minute updates on the waffle house shooting that happened a year ago - everytime someone else filed a law suit, and alerts about the NFL draft when I said "no" to sports alerts.   I had gone in and set the alerts again not to pop up on my lock screen but they did anyway.  So I deleted one app and trying another.  I don't want a thousand updates on cherry trees or cases that happened a year ago.  I want true breaking alert - like the channel 5 alert that an inmate escaped - things that we need to know.  If a tiger escapes from the zoo - I need to know that.  If a tornado is coming I need to know that.  If there is a shooting near me, I need to know that.  If an interstate is shut down I need to know that.  

The day went by fast.  I didn't get done everything I had wanted due to so much interruption.  Last week I had zero time toward open enrollment and this week and next it's having to be my focus so I can get it done and out of the way.   Just have too many projects going and have had to say no to anything else b/c it's just not physically possible.  You feel so bad when you want to help but there is just not enough of you to go around.  I usually just try to said "ok" and then try my best to deal with it in the timing that I can, but I'm at the "no way in heck" stage right now.  It's just not fair to say you will do something when you know you can't.  No reason to act like you can.  I'm real and try to handle my load with integrity and I know the limits and I'm all limited up! lol  

I guess I'm afraid I'm becoming viewed as a bad guy all of a sudden and that everyone will panic because the yes person has just said no.  So I just try to do my best and hope for a good outcome.  I guess I just want to be trusted if that makes sense?  If I say I don't have time to do something I expect to be believed and not questioned. So I'm fearful that people won't believe me. I guess it doesn't matter what anyone thinks in reality.  It is what it is, belief or not. lol  So not sure what I'm worried about.  So I guess I always get nervous when I have to say "no I don't have time for that".  Past employers have not handled that very well at all.  It usually opens a big can of worms and I guess that is what bothers me.  Anytime you are burned in the past, where people have misunderstood or didn't care, it makes you fear for being mistreated.  Your brain thinks if it happens once it can happen again.  When over a period of years you keep being given more and more and eventually when you say "no I can't handle anymore" - you fear the repercussion of that.  I started reading a book called "Essentialism" to help me with not only work but the home business and also in my personal life.  To get more done in my time.    

But it's ok - I am good b/c my Lord watches over me, defends me, plants my feet, puts words in my mouth.  I follow Him, His wisdom, His directions, and then I'm set straight and need to worry no more.  Still - I've had to have time to reach out to Him so I've spent more time in prayer.  And several others have been stressed as well in this life of ours.  We have shared and prayed together.  

I need to wrap this up so I can put on the make up and take care of dogs.  I've decided I'm letting go of all my worries and letting God have it.  

I have some other goals I'm working on now and that will take my mind off of it all.  What will be will be.  That said I'm only one person and can only do so much.  And that is a fact Jack and no one can change that but God and I doubt he will divide me and make me two people either - so we are stuck with just one of me and one person's schedule of time. 

Oh last night we had our Zoom call.  It's back to every week now.  I was planning on working my side hustle last night so I had to go incognito so I could multi task.  I was able to get my customer sheets/prospect sheets done for everyone I've talked to in the past year.  So glad that is done.  I also got the Target order done.  So at least I can cross a few things off the list.  At least at home I don't have 700 inquiries to interrupt.

Ya'll have a lovely day!  


  1. It's always good to let go and let God. He can do a much better of handling things than we can for sure ! No need to get stressed out when you know who you're working for.

    Happy Hump Day!

  2. hope your headaches stop. if they continue you should talk to your doctor.


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